The first official low and getting back up

So the weekly review of last week is late. And the past few ones weren’t really proper.

One thing I can blame for this is the fact I changed my daily tracker, from a notebook uniquely for daily planning and review to a little bujo I keep with all day as a brain dump and each day I make a page for daily planning, I stopped reviewing the day and it’s more spread around.

But if I’m honest with myself, it’s more than a technical problem. I’ve been feeling empty the past few weeks. You don’t know me but this is not rare, it’s quite frequent and I don’t want to cry around because I’m so unlucky, I must develop systems to act against this. And over the years I’ve pretty much good at it.

But this particular time I’m on a weird place, back home, with my parents basically stuck in this house (might go to take a dog to a walk but that’s it), it really brings me even lower since I need some sense of freedom to feel well. Here I have no freedom.

To add to the natural lows and this particular situation, these states really make me both vulnerable to dark thought but also have insights on what I have to change. And I did:

I feel way to inclined to be frustrated regarding friends flexing about their life.

Even after attempting studying for college I didn’t do as good as I wanted mostly because I feel afraid of really investing, I stay superficial and mostly memorize instead of trying to understand, I feel like this arises from some kind of fear.

The projects and leadership positions I have in mind seem shallow, like empty vessels. I feel like they are inconsequential.

I’m still too obsessed about success to validate myself. I feel like I’m in a race against time that I should be in X doing Y and getting Z.

Another good thing is that even if I felt down, I did some good things, I went on a date, I went out with a friend, I had a nice group interaction, I did some work, it’s not too bad. But it can be better.

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